is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
