Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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