she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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