you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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