Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
