i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
