Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize