At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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