She is in my trunk
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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