I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
