no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
