Acid is not a monday night drug
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
