She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
