Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize