i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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