Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
