Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
