I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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