Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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