You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
