Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
