can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
