i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
