No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
