I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize