Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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