I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
