accomplished twins. life is a go
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
