I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
