Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
