there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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