tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
