Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
