I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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