perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize