If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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