I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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