when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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