this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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