I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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