I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
