soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
