I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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