Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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