The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
