how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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