I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
