OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
