I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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