Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
