chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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