how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
