Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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