I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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