The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
As shirtless as possible
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
