Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
