who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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