remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
