i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
