My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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