I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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