in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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