Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
