Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I bet he comes in French.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
