There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
this beer tastes like vomit already
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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