My sheets look like a crime scene.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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