yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
