it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
