Plan B is the new Plan A
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
