One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
