then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
